Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Drifting thoughts on love



I was raised in a healthy marriage where I was taught that a loving relationship was a safe harbor...only to find out as an adult that relationships are more like the chaos of a treacherous sea, full of predators and elusive beauty, and if your ship isn't strong enough you will drown.

In reality, relationships are often like mermaids and sirens. You're either chasing an illusion that doesn't exist or something that presents itself as beautiful and magical, which in the end will trap you, destroy you, make you it's slave,  and eat you alive. Even worse, sometimes you find what you think is a true, bona fide mermaid, only to look more closely and see that it is a completely different animal that you never expected, because you only saw what you wanted to see.

We live in a world where feelings are to be feared. I grew up thinking the key to a healthy relationship was communication.  Discussing your worries and fears and solving the problems together.

But in reality people are afraid of feelings because that might mean commitment and attachment. And that means the potential to get hurt.   And a lot of people are just waiting for something better to come along so they avoid the expectations they think will come along with those feelings and thoughts and fears. 

Real love is unselfish and without strings attached.  But along with feeling that love you have to know it's opening you up to get hurt.  Because in life nothing is guaranteed.  Promises are broken.  People will lie to you or be vague with you. Or refuse to promise anything.  The lack of a promise can be almost as painful as a promise broken.  But you can't make someone love you or commit to you or be loyal to you.  Even if they do, that could still change at any moment.

I will continue to love,  because that is in my nature. I will continue to get hurt,  because I refuse to play that game of who can act like they care the least.  That's why so many people are so lonely.  To shield themselves from pain,  they play the game.  It's easier to not get hurt if you are hurting others.

I know there are people who've found that real love,  that mutual love that makes you stronger together,  so you can be happy together.  But I've also learned that's very rare to find. I used to think that kind of love was out there for everyone.  Now I'm not so sure.

I will learn to love without worry,  because worrying hurts you even when nothing bad has happened. I will learn to love without fear,  because fear will destroy you.  And even with the sadness and pain that can come with love, I still believe that love is the most powerful element in the universe.

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